Day One
Probably the most unfortunate day I've ever had. Had a terrible cold, my throat sores so bad, and I cried a lot. But, he's my hero.
Day Two
My cold got worse. Not one of the best days of the relationship. But he's still my hero.
Day Three
Nothing from me were appreciated. Not one of the best weekends. He's probably not my own personal hero, but he's still quite awesome to me.
Day Four
He took everything away from me and carried it away with him. I told him 'I love you'. He said 'I'm leaving you'. He grabbed me by the hand and I fall even deeper in love.
Day Five
That was it. He's gone far away. No, we didn't die, we just never had a chance to grow.
18.9.13
20.7.13
If this really is the end of everything we've had, then what am I supposed to do with my life now? Where am I supposed to go? What am I supposed to achieve?
Berharap sama orang lain emang nggak seharusnya jadi pilihan untuk siapapun. Berharap sama orang lain cuma bakal bikin kita kecewa.
Gue emang brengsek dari dulu. I'm very aware of that. Tapi gue coba berubah. Gue berusaha berubah di setiap kesempatan yang gue punya. Gue korbanin semuanya buat satu orang. Gue sekarang udah jauh beda dari gue yang dulu. Mungkin emang nggak sesuai dengan harapan dia, mungkin masih banyak yang harus diperbaiki. Tapi apa iya gue se-nggak berharga itu sampe bisa dibuang gitu aja?
Mungkin gue brengsek. Mungkin gue emang tukang bohong. Mungkin juga gue emang nggak berarti apa-apa bagi siapapun. Tapi selama gue kenal sama orang ini, orang yang gue rasa bakal ada terus buat gue, gue cuma minta satu hal. Hal itu bahkan bukan hal yang besar. Bukan hal yang sulit kayak ngubah diri lo menjadi orang lain. Gue cuma minta disayang. Gue minta didenger. Gue minta dipeduliin.
Apa gue salah ya minta diperhatiin? Apa gue salah minta ditanya keadaannya saat gue lagi ngelakuin perubahan terbesar dalam hidup gue? Apa gue salah minta ditemenin ngelewatin semuanya sama orang yang gue sayang? Apa hal itu ga akan pernah bisa gue dapetin?
Gue inget banget senyum dan ketawa dia di bulan-bulan pertama kita bareng. Gue kangen banget sama senyum dan ketawa itu. Udah 3 bulan ini gue nggak ngeliat itu.
Gue inget banget semua waktu yang gue habisin bareng dia. Gue inget semuanya. Tapi gue ga inget sejak kapan semuanya jadi sehancur ini.
Berharap sama orang lain emang nggak seharusnya jadi pilihan untuk siapapun. Berharap sama orang lain cuma bakal bikin kita kecewa.
Gue emang brengsek dari dulu. I'm very aware of that. Tapi gue coba berubah. Gue berusaha berubah di setiap kesempatan yang gue punya. Gue korbanin semuanya buat satu orang. Gue sekarang udah jauh beda dari gue yang dulu. Mungkin emang nggak sesuai dengan harapan dia, mungkin masih banyak yang harus diperbaiki. Tapi apa iya gue se-nggak berharga itu sampe bisa dibuang gitu aja?
Mungkin gue brengsek. Mungkin gue emang tukang bohong. Mungkin juga gue emang nggak berarti apa-apa bagi siapapun. Tapi selama gue kenal sama orang ini, orang yang gue rasa bakal ada terus buat gue, gue cuma minta satu hal. Hal itu bahkan bukan hal yang besar. Bukan hal yang sulit kayak ngubah diri lo menjadi orang lain. Gue cuma minta disayang. Gue minta didenger. Gue minta dipeduliin.
Apa gue salah ya minta diperhatiin? Apa gue salah minta ditanya keadaannya saat gue lagi ngelakuin perubahan terbesar dalam hidup gue? Apa gue salah minta ditemenin ngelewatin semuanya sama orang yang gue sayang? Apa hal itu ga akan pernah bisa gue dapetin?
Gue inget banget senyum dan ketawa dia di bulan-bulan pertama kita bareng. Gue kangen banget sama senyum dan ketawa itu. Udah 3 bulan ini gue nggak ngeliat itu.
Gue inget banget semua waktu yang gue habisin bareng dia. Gue inget semuanya. Tapi gue ga inget sejak kapan semuanya jadi sehancur ini.
12.4.13
6.4.13
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you
Cause you take me to the places, that alone I'd never find.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you
Cause you take me to the places, that alone I'd never find.
And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
2.4.13
If I have to describe how much it hurts knowing that you weren't that sure anymore, I can only describe it with the tears running down my face. Will I ever be strong enough to see you leave? I won't, because you should never leave.
If my heart could be described, it is shattered. But despite the broken pieces, the light inside it will never go off.
I just don't care anymore. I can shed as many tears as I want to but the only thing in my mind is, how are you doing? Have you gained your feelings back? Have you found what you're looking for? Are you still sad? Have you stopped hating yourself?
I believe in us and I always will believe in you.
If my heart could be described, it is shattered. But despite the broken pieces, the light inside it will never go off.
I just don't care anymore. I can shed as many tears as I want to but the only thing in my mind is, how are you doing? Have you gained your feelings back? Have you found what you're looking for? Are you still sad? Have you stopped hating yourself?
I believe in us and I always will believe in you.
They're probably right. People don't realize how much something worth until they lost it.
Like dreams.
Some people don't dream about anything. They're going wherever their feet took them. Sounds like a lot of fun, right? But that doesn't happen to me. I have my dreams. WE have our dreams.
I might sound rather stupid and irrational when it comes to my dreams. People won't believe of how strong our willing is. How strong is the bond between us. They thought I'm wasting my time, I'm taking away my precious little time. But I don't think so.
This might be too early to think about stuff like "How would you spend your entire life?", "Who are you going to spend it with?". I'm still young, I know. But do hearts lie?
Discovering a life partner might not be so easy. It takes time as much as it takes hearts. I believe I've found mine, though. The guy I'd marry one day in the future.
Even when mommy and daddy don't believe so, my heart still does. Never have I found somebody whose heart makes the greatest home for others, me, Deedee, Ravi, Ray, and Azalea.
Remember dude, you're tough, and our dreams are just waiting to come true.
Like dreams.
Some people don't dream about anything. They're going wherever their feet took them. Sounds like a lot of fun, right? But that doesn't happen to me. I have my dreams. WE have our dreams.
I might sound rather stupid and irrational when it comes to my dreams. People won't believe of how strong our willing is. How strong is the bond between us. They thought I'm wasting my time, I'm taking away my precious little time. But I don't think so.
This might be too early to think about stuff like "How would you spend your entire life?", "Who are you going to spend it with?". I'm still young, I know. But do hearts lie?
Discovering a life partner might not be so easy. It takes time as much as it takes hearts. I believe I've found mine, though. The guy I'd marry one day in the future.
Even when mommy and daddy don't believe so, my heart still does. Never have I found somebody whose heart makes the greatest home for others, me, Deedee, Ravi, Ray, and Azalea.
Remember dude, you're tough, and our dreams are just waiting to come true.
31.3.13
Why? Why do people give their dreams up? Is it because everything were against them?
But what about their motivations? Where did they go? What stops them?
Well i know not able to believe in yourself hurts the shit out of you. But have you ever thought how someone else put their life to your hands? Have you ever thought of how were they able to trust their hopes on your shoulder? Do they really believe in you? Then why won't you believe in yourself?
You might think these words are bullshits put together. But these are what i've been trying to say.
You worth the hardwork. You worth all the pain. You worth the years. Even though it has only been months for us, it is safe to say that I'm not wasting my time. Not even a second. Every tears I cried were worthed.
So please, for the sake of our dreams. Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, Ra.
But what about their motivations? Where did they go? What stops them?
Well i know not able to believe in yourself hurts the shit out of you. But have you ever thought how someone else put their life to your hands? Have you ever thought of how were they able to trust their hopes on your shoulder? Do they really believe in you? Then why won't you believe in yourself?
You might think these words are bullshits put together. But these are what i've been trying to say.
You worth the hardwork. You worth all the pain. You worth the years. Even though it has only been months for us, it is safe to say that I'm not wasting my time. Not even a second. Every tears I cried were worthed.
So please, for the sake of our dreams. Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you, Ra.
11.2.13
bosan. dpt dr astrid
- 1: What would you name your future daughter(s)? Cassadee and Azalea
- 2: Do you miss anyone? well, yes.
- 3: What if I told you that you were pretty? oh stop it you *blush*
- 4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? yes
- 5: What are you looking forward to in the next week? some times to relax
- 6: Did you go out or stay in last night? i went out for a while........
- 7: How late did you stay up last night? fell asleep straight after i arrived home
- 8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? yes, my mom._.
- 9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? sleepin'
- 10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? a thousand times.
- 11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? sure
- 12: Have you pretended to like someone? this is embarrassing, but yes.
- 13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? yes. totally.
- 14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? does it still count when the person can make me cry at the same time?
- 15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? kinda
- 16: Think back five months ago, were you single? yeah
- 17: Have you ever cried from being so mad? of course
- 18: Hold hands with anyone this week? yeah
- 19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? nope
- 20: Who did you last see in person? mom dad and my lil bro
- 21: What is the last thing you said out loud? "hmmm"
- 22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? heck no.
- 23: Have you ever been to Paris? yes
- 24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? people say so
- 25: Do you use chap stick? no
- 26: Who did you last share a bed with? my brother
- 27: Are you listening to music right now? noe.
- 28: What is something you currently want right now? to pee
- 29: What is your current favorite song? in my place - coldplay
- 30: How is your heart lately? satisfied and happy
- 31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? YEEEES, just to scare the hell out of ppl
- 32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? yesterday:>
- 33: What do people call you? Lit, Chy, De, Adik, Litok and so on
- 34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? yes.
- 35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? of course
- 36: What are you listening to right now? sounds from my tv
- 37: What is wrong with you right now? my back aches so much i couldn't bare sitting on the ground even for 10 minutes and I'm emotionally controlled by my ovaries.
- 38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? why would u ask? of course it is.
- 39: Do you make wishes at 11:11? nah
- 40: What is on your wrists right now? nothing
- 41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? taken
- 42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? this is my mom's t-shirt
- 43: Do you hate Monday? yes.
- 44: Have you hugged someone within the last week? yeeeeeeees
- 45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? yes
- 46: What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping
- 47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? not even the slightest bit.
- 48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? i hate being alone but i hate being used as a bolster by my brother even more.
- 49: Have you ever been to New York? no.
- 50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? i believe he does.
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